Silent No More

Labels are helpful. Take an ingredient label, for example. I have a dear friend whose son is anaphylactically allergic to certain things, so labels for her family become a matter of life or death. Whenever they visit, I am in awe of her, and of how difficult her life can be, especially when things aren’t labeled on certain products, or certain ingredients aren’t listed. She fearlessly advocates for her son, and many like her have taken up a call to action within our government to make it mandatory that food companies list every single ingredient on their labels. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have even known that it wasn’t mandatory (which is mind-boggling, when you think about it). 

Labels can give direction – like how to put together a table. Labels can let us know what type of clothing we are purchasing. In short, labels can be effective. 

Labels can also be harmful. For example, labeling a child “dumb” or “difficult” can affect their self-esteem and any goals they have for their future. I was labeled “annoying” as a child, because I was too “emotional” and too “talkative”. Later in life, this made me hesitant to speak up for myself. I’ve only just recently dropped the label and smashed it, seeing the lie for what it was. 

We like to label things, don’t we? Labeling things can be helpful, but labeling people… not necessarily. Because people are far more complex than a table or a can of soup. People internalize the messages that labels send – if you are labeled the “fat one” then you aren’t attractive. If you are labeled the “loud one” then you’re obnoxious. If you’re labeled the “annoying one” then you are a bother. 

But it doesn’t just stop with adjectives describing someone. I think it’s pretty obvious that people like to label others by things that strike at their identity – Christian. Non-Christian. Conservative. Liberal. Felon. Atheist. What came to mind when you read those words? Probably something specific – either a generalization of these groups, or a person in particular. 

I hate labels that lead to generalizations. “Felon”, for example. What comes to mind is usually a man with lots of tattoos who is a scary person with bad intent. “There’s Michael, be careful, he’s a felon.” What doesn’t usually come to mind is someone who has been wrung through our “justice” system, unable to find a job because no one will hire him, not given any sort of therapy to re-acclimate him into society, and so he returns to crime not because he wants to, but for survival. 

How about Christian? Culturally, this has come to mean something specific, hasn’t it? Someone wearing a MAGA hat who hates gay people, doesn’t care about women’s healthcare, and would rather be caught dead than called a snowflake. Who would rather scream about drag queens reading to children than invest in literacy programs for kids. Who would rather a woman be prosecuted for an abortion than invest into Medicaid. Who would rather make derogatory remarks about the homeless being lazy than invest in job vocation training for those with mental illness. Who would say that America is the greatest nation on earth, then refuse to educate themselves about the incredible harm America has brought on places like Iraq after it was invaded. 

It makes me sad. And it makes me shy away from labeling myself as anything, really. I don’t like being labeled left-wing or right-wing, because I don’t fall into either category. And I don’t want to be associated with the stigma attached to each. I don’t like being labeled a Christian, because now it means that I align with a particular political party. Certain labels, such a “nurse” for example, hint at a positive cultural view. It is considered the most trusted profession in the world, after all. But being a nurse isn’t what defines me. Being a mother doesn’t define me. Being divorced doesn’t define me. 

People are too complicated and beautiful to place into boxes. But we LOVE boxes, because they help us set certain expectations. Expectations aren’t necessarily a bad thing… until it limits others into believing they have to stay in the box they’ve been placed in. People who label themselves a certain way can only find it helpful if the label is for their own self-knowledge. 

Take me, for example. I have ADHD. I could use that diagnosis to excuse certain behaviors and set a low bar for myself, or I could use it to understand my limitations and learn to thrive within them. Do you need ideas to organize an outreach for the homeless? I’m your person. Do you need someone to implement the small details to make it actually happen? Yeah… I’m not your person. But give me a list that I can cross off, and then maybe I can be your person. You want to meet for coffee and need someone to talk to? Absolutely, but can we meet in a quiet park and not a restaurant? And also, I might not look in your eyes. Like ever. But I’m still listening to you. 

You can see where I’m going with this. I know my limitations within the label, but I also know my strengths.

So much of what we label other people strikes at their identity. But their identity isn’t found in their function. It isn’t found in their appearance, or their usefulness, or what they can contribute to society. 

Let me end with a story. I have a patient who is in her 90’s. She’s an absolute joy to be around. She hugs me when I enter her home, asks me how my day or week was, gives me advice about things I’m struggling with, makes me laugh with her cheeky sense of humor, lets me vent about my problems, and sometimes I have to shout so she can hear me. But if I was only going to view her by the labels that society puts on her, all I would see is an elderly woman whose usefulness to society is almost over. She’s stuck at home, reading her Kindle, going to doctor’s appointments, and living out the rest of her days in her home in the middle of nowhere, waiting to die. 

But I dare you to find someone more faithful than she is. One day as my visit with her was ending, she said, “I’m praying for you.” Her daughter piped up and said, “It’s true! Every morning I hear her.” Let me tell you, there is nothing more encouraging to me than hearing that someone is praying for me. And here she was, praying for me and my kids daily, for months, and I didn’t even know it. 

So join me, and let’s throw out any dangerous labels, ones that only place people in boxes. Labels that say the elderly are always past their usefulness. That felons are always dangerous. That people with autism are always weird. That women can’t fight for their country. That men are always predators. That liberals always hate the rich. That conservatives always hate gay people. That black people are always athletic. That Asian people are always smart. That children are always annoying. That childless cat ladies are always unhappy. And the list goes on, and on, and on. 

There’s only one label that I fully embrace. And that is loved. Because God says I am.