Silent No More

According to the CDC, 1 in 59 children are diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Chances are, you know someone who either 1) has ASD or 2) has a child with ASD. This has staggering implications not only culturally, but also within our churches. 

My desire in writing this series of articles is threefold. First, I want to define what ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) is and isn’t, in hopes that learning about this confusing condition will educate the church and move us toward compassion for those who face the unique challenges of being or knowing an autistic person. Second, my desire is to see the church not just welcome these people, but then move from fear and ignorance to serving ASD families in practical ways. And third, I will share some common problems I as a parent have encountered raising two autistic sons, and what that does to relationships within the church. This is the first time I have done this publicly due to the confusion, shame, and heartache ASD commonly brings into the lives of parents with autistic children. 

My heart is this: the church should be the safest, most welcoming place for people who are different. So often this is not the case, and it breaks my heart. I believe it breaks God’s heart, too. And since ASD is incredibly complicated, fear and ignorance seem to be the leading reason why neurotypical (“normal”) people shrink back from fulfilling Christ’s call to love and accept everyone, especially those different than us. 

I am not an expert. I’m just a Mom who has found herself thrown into a world of special needs. I’ve done hours of research, of course, and it’s my daily experience, now. However, none of what I say should be taken prescriptively. Everyone’s experiences are different, and autistic individuals are no exception. 

I have two beautiful boys. Silas is 11 and Gideon is 9. Both were diagnosed when they were 3 and 4, respectivly. Silas would be considered high functioning, while Gideon is on the line between moderately and severely autistic. I don’t like these terms, but for clarity, I use them. I wasn’t all that surprised when they were diagnosed. I had sensed something was “off” about Silas, and subsequently Gideon, when they were around a year and a half old. 

Raising them is the greatest gift God has ever given me apart from salvation. Are there things I wish were different? Yes, of course. Sometimes I cry when I consider what life might look like for them having to live in such a confusing and disorienting world. Yet my hope is not in this world, but in Christ. He is the One who formed them perfectly, who knows them and loves them better than I do. But being their Mom is a joy and a challenge. My days are filled with tantrums, therapy, laughing, crying, and lots of prayer. Both boys received about 30-40 hours of therapy a week when they were younger, most of it in our home. 

The reason I explain these things is so you can have some small insight into what daily life looks like. To get a fuller picture, Rachel and Andrew Wilson wrote a wonderful book called The Life We Never Expected. To truly come alongside the autistic and their families is to be willing to enter into the mess, just like Christ did for us. It isn’t always pretty, but it also isn’t always hard, too. Joy and suffering go hand in hand, don’t they? 

So, What is Autism?

To say it plainly, autism is, “a developmental disorder of variable severity that is characterized by difficulty in social interaction and communication and by restricted or repetitive patterns of thought and behavior.” I’d like to highlight that little phrase variable severity. The saying is, “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” It simply means that no two autistic people are the same. This is part of the challenge of diagnosis, and why it is referred to as a spectrum. We are all on some sort of spectrum. I’m on an anxiety spectrum. You might be on a controlling spectrum, or an anger spectrum, or insert a dozen other spectrums. If you’ve met one person who struggles with anxiety, it doesn’t mean the next person you meet with anxiety will present the same way, or have the same struggles. This is true with those who are autistic. 

Sometimes it can be helpful to describe autism as what it isn’t. First, it is not a mental illness. It doesn’t develop over time or as a result of trauma; it is something you are born with. There is no cure because it is a neurological wiring disorder. At some point during fetal development the brain becomes wired differently than what we often call “neurotypical.” A normal/neurotypical brain adapts to its surroundings and to stimuli, whereas the autistic brain has trouble doing so. Sometimes, the autistic brain cannot adapt at all. At other times, it can adapt but at a much slower rate. Here’s an example. Say you are a neurotypical three-year-old who walks outside on a summer afternoon. You see your favorite ball and run toward it. As a child, this is a “normal” way to respond to walking outside, right? Yet an autistic child might walk outside and have a meltdown. Why? Their brain cannot adapt to the change in environment and to the stimuli of the sun, or the wind, or the sidewalk under their feet, or the bug flashing across their vision or humming in their ear. Their brain is not filtering all those things, so the child becomes overwhelmed, unable to communicate adequately what they are feeling, and has a meltdown. 

Second, autism is not a learning disability. Some autistic people have learning disabilities, but some can excel at certain things because of the “repetitive thought or behavior” piece of the puzzle. For example, some autistic individuals might not read well, but they can do calculus effortlessly. Or, they might not speak, but they can paint a skyline after viewing it only once. My 11-year-old can learn the stats of sports teams and recite them from memory after only brief exposure. This is an incredible gift, but it can also be difficult for him to enjoy or focus on anything besides that. Hence, he will often fixate on these stats and assume everyone else shares his interest. If you have ever talked to my son, you have no doubt talked about sports statistics.

I cannot reiterate this enough. Autism looks very, very different depending on the person who has it. Yet there are some common similarities, which I will focus on in the next post. 

Autism and the Bible 

So what does the Bible have to say about ASD? That’s an easy answer. Absolutely nothing. The Bible never explicitly addresses what we culturally define as “special needs.” However, drawing from implicit Biblical principles, here a few things we can conclude.

1. God’s power is made perfect in weakness. Paul boasts of this in 2^nd Corinthians 12:9-10. It pleases God to shame the wise and strong by using the weak and powerless. Not only this, Paul found contentment in his weakness, because it made him rely even more on Christ. Autistic people can be an amazing representation of this truth.  
2.  Autistic people are made in God’s image and are inherently dignified, including their special abilities and needs (Genesis 1:27; Exodus 4:11).
3. Because of the above truth, autistic people are worthy of love and friendship (John 13:34).
4. Love is much more than polite tolerance. Autistic people are not to be feared or merely tolerated, but drawn into fellowship (as much as possible) and accepted with love and patience (1 Corinthians 13).
5. To the best of our ability, autistic people should be warmly accepted into our churches. There are clear limitations depending on the individual, but churches should be safe places for weary, ruined sinners — this includes, ruined, weary, autistic sinners. 

This is in no way an exhaustive list. However, when talking about autism it is good to remember that autistic people are first and foremost people. And the truths of the gospel and the Word are just as true and applicable for them as they are for the neurotypical. 

Labels can be helpful when it comes to classifications or ways to think about service, but they can also be unhelpful when talking about identity (I wrote about this previously here). We don’t want to be identified by only one thing about us. My identity is not in being a mom or having blue eyes or being an RN.  Why should we identify those with special needs simply based upon that fact that they have a certain weakness or condition? Check your heart. Pray. Ask God for guidance. If you think of the autistic person as a problem to be solved, a trial to be tolerated, or someone to be patronized and not included in your daily life as a Christian, I beg you to re-evaluate your assumptions, not just because I have autistic children but because I’m a Christian. Frankly, identifying people as anything but image bearers of God is not the gospel’s message of love and inclusion into the Kingdom. The amazing, awe-inspiring, incredible grace of God sees no limitations, whether it be intellectual, social, physiological, or otherwise. If this is true for me and you and all, then the autistic person is included. 

* This article was originally published four years ago on a website that is no longer active. It has been slightly updated.